My granddaddy passed away December 13, 2016. Since November, I have been waiting to get the news, so it was not a surprise, but it did not make it easier. He filled the role of dad in my life and I loved him more than I can express. They say little girls grow up and marry someone like their father-and I think that is true for me. Ahmet has the same gentle nature, fierce protectiveness, and unwavering loyalty. Sometimes when I hug him, he even smells like my grandddaddy.
For years, I assumed I would be there when my grandparents pass away. I wanted to be the one taking care of them. I wanted to be at the funeral. Any cooking, cleaning, packing, or moving would be done by me-and whoever else wanted to chip in. Where this idea came from, I have no idea, but it was just something that for years and years I assumed would happen. Then, God called us to the mission field and plans changed.
When we left for Thailand, I thought I had prepared my heart for that possibly being the last good-bye. Let me just say, it does not actually work that way. At all. Grace is given day-by-day, moment-by-moment, and you do not borrow from tomorrow for today. The reality hit, and it was still incredibly hard, and I wanted to be there. I asked the Lord so many times to let me go back “home” and just be a part of the end, but He patiently and gently answered “no” each time. He did, however, lead Ahmet to send me back last July, and for that I am grateful. It was to be my last goodbye, and a time filled with precious memories, and it has made not being there now much easier. Yet, staying here has been one of the hardest things God has asked me to do.
Last night (my time) was the funeral, and I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing during that time. Do I go to bed? Read? Watch a movie? Fast and pray? Seriously?! When my family talks about the funeral, how will I feel if I respond with, “Well, I was sleeping, so….” If it had been day time, I probably would have continued about my day, doing what needed to be done, but 10:15 at night? I was anxious and extrememly frustrated. So, I wrote (I’ll share that one later), Ahmet and I talked, and before I knew it, a sweet sister-in-law texted me to tell me it was a beautiful service. Just like that, it was done and over, and I let out the breath I had been holding. She also sent pictures and a videos of the service (I am so blessed), but I waited until this morning to watch the videos. I cried my way through them, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. We will have our own little memorial service for my granddaddy next week. At the moment, we have a family of seven staying with us, which makes things…different. The distraction has been good, but I know the kids need a chance to pause and process this loss.
God has been so gracious and I have learned so much during this difficult time. For now, I need time to finish relfecting and thinking on all He has done, but I want to share in my next post how He has worked in my heart and done all that He promised. Thank you for praying for me and my family. The prayers mean so much.
Hi! My name is Rachael and I am a child of God. I was saved from sin and all its bondage at the age of 21. I am married to an incredible man. He constantly challenges me to grow closer to my Saviour. We have three beautiful children that love the Lord. Currently, our family is preparing to go to Thailand as missionaries.